Mommy & me :)

My parents... and three nephews are up for a visit from South Carolina. So, we had my mom's favorite food - Panda Express!! It's tough to behave when you're laughing and loving with family and I'm not too proud to admit I ate things I shouldn't and ate too much of it. After doing my daily food diary I'm about 200 calories over my limit but yesterday I was 1000 calories under. I'm not going to beat myself up over it but I know I need to fight harder to stay on track.

397.4. On 20140328

Little by little, day by day....

Therapy 03262014

I really love this image - I've always been told that I look a bit like a Peppermint Patty and I really love Snoopy's Happy Dances :) So, here it is and I'm sharing it.

Today has been a really rough day. So many things at work just going crazy wrong. Word to the wise - if your IT person says 'make sure to review it and see that it meets your needs' - you should probably actually review it to make sure it meets your needs. It will save us all a lot of frustration down the line.

Other issues have come up as well. Just a crazy frustrating day. I've done well so far on my calorie counts though. Its amazing how many calories you can save by skipping the Chinese takeout and bringing some soup from home. Like - um - 1000. I'm enjoying the Fitbit too. It's fairly simple to use - I've just had it clipped to my bra all day. But it updates itself so I can see online anything I'm doing. My Fitness Pal integrates to it - I just scan with my phone the UPC code of any prepped foods I'm about to eat and 'ding' it's in there. For things I make myself, it's pretty easy to put in the ingredients and go. It's keeping me conscious of what I eat and making it easier to make better choices. Yesterday was my first day and I'm telling you - when I put in the Chinese takeout that I had for lunch and saw that was 3/4ths of the calories I was allowed for all day - I determined then and there that Chinese takeout was definitely not going to be a 2x a week thing anymore. You would think I would know all this stuff but it's crazy what your mind can convince you of when your mind is the only thing you're listening to. I can not believe how well I've had myself convinced that chicken and broccoli counts as health food.

(This post was started on Wed, it's now Thursday, 3/27, so... Continued!)

I'm so glad that I started this journal process. It really is helpful to look back and see what I've accomplished each day, what I'm doing, set goals, and work towards them. Today I'm trying new things again - I got the Plexus protein packs. They taste like Nesquick chocolate so I can do that! I got the shaker bottle too with the little whisk inside and so it works just great. I also had Campbell's chicken noodle soup for lunch, but not until about 2 hours after I drank that shake at noon. So I spread it out. Not intentionally, it just took me that long to be hungry enough to heat up the soup. I like that I'm not constantly anxious about food. I'm not literally sick with need over trashed calories. I'm making better choices. I know it's only been a week and getting on track is a lot easier than staying on track - but today, I'm proud of myself.

397.6 yay!!

Down some more!! So far still very happy!

Happy Dances on a Monday!!

Wow - even after my weak moment with cookies, I'm still losing! Waking up to my 5th day on Plexus and I'm down 3 lbs! (not sure why this post is out of order - this was my weight on Monday 3/24/2014) - Danielle

398.8

Down a little more :) yay!!

20140325 weighin

399.4 - I'm out of the 400's!!! #happydances !!!

Ugh... .headache.... and candida die off....

So, I've had a headache all flipping day. It started behind my eye and when I started moving around it got worse. I took some pain meds but it's still there, just hanging around. I was afraid it was because of the Plexus - I've invested some time & money in this stuff and it's legitimately working, so that's where the fear comes in. So, I've been researching Plexus headaches and trying to figure out what may be going on.

In my research, I learned that there is something called a Candida overgrowth. It's an overgrowth of yeast - yay - yeast infections. Gross. Anyway, if you have an overgrowth of this mess, it can cause leaky gut. Leaky gut can cause ADD, fatigue, Hashimoto's disease, tummy troubles, and all sorts of other things. Well - that sounds familiar. Because I have all of those symptoms (well, the thyroid thing I've never tested positive for.... but you know I've always wondered...). Click here for some info on that whole Candida Overgrowth thing.

Also on that page, it tells you what happens when you have what's called a Candida die - off. Yes, when you start to kill off the Candida, you're effectively poisoning yourself. Which causes headaches. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because you WANT to get rid of the Candida - bad because those little nasty organisms are trying to KILL YOU when they die off. Seriously, the list of toxins they release is scary. And guess what? When this happens, you get headaches. Fevers. And a little nauseated. Sounds like my day. You can read about it here.

So what to do about that? Ugh, I'm not sure yet - I'm still researching. If I'm making myself sick by making myself better (diabetic chemo sounds like a great analogy here....) then what? Apparently, you can slow down the die off and/or take a cleanse to help your liver get everything out. And drink TONS of water. So, I've already ordered the biocleanse from Plexus even before starting this research. And now I'm going to go find a bottle of water. And drink my weight in it. Because this headache is not at all a good thing.

But no way do I want to give up.

Yay!

Waking up to my 5th day and I'm at 400.2. I'm down 3 lbs! Go baby go!!!

Happy Saturday morning everyone :) Ok, third day on Plexus - yes, I woke up with more energy than usual - yes, I still stayed in bed as long as possible because it's SATURDAY!! But yes, I will be planting some things today and doing a few other things with my lil bit extra energy!

I have to say - getting on track is a lot easier than STAYING on track. The same motivation just doesn't carry through day by day. I'll get there - but I still have issues with saying no to foods that I like, even when I'm not at all hungry. Not even a little bit hungry. But breadsticks and cheese dip? Yes - I'll take one :) (One this time - instead of the whole appetizer).

I went to Wendy's for lunch yesterday - and I admit I'm a foodaholic, usually I'll get my lunch and then another lunch because food is good. I'll even pretend, kid you not, that I'm taking lunch back to someone else. As if anyone in the drive thru cares. But yesterday, I got one lunch. I got the salad. I ate it with water instead of soda. And I was full. I was ok. I almost also ordered the large chili, but I didn't so I'm counting that as a win.

Will I make the same great decisions every day for the next 2 years? Probably not. Like I said - getting on track is harder than staying on track. So, one day at a time. This morning I had a normal breakfast. Not a huge breakfast. Not 2 biscuits plus with jelly and butter and all. But one biscuit and sausage and eggs and normal serving of gravy. I know none of those are diet foods, but the fact that I only ate one regular human sized breakfast is a big deal for me. I normally will vacuum up my breakfast plus any leftovers. Raiden said he was full and threw away half of his breakfast. Seriously, normally I would have eaten that. Because I hate leftovers. It actually creates some ball of anxiety in my chest to think of good food going to waste. Thinking  about it now, Im still anxious about it. First world problems, I know, to be super morbidly obese because I'm afraid to throw food away.

I'm not entirely sure where that comes from and I'm not sure I'm ready to examine it all yet here in this blog, but yes, I grew up without a lot of extras. Yes, I'll always worry that what I have is never enough in case of an emergency or bad weather or job loss or whatever. Maybe that's it. If so, that fear will never go away so I'll always fight it or have to find ways to fight it so that I can eat normally. Like a human being instead of a werewolf. As though I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from when I'm actually (by normal standards) well off. Anyway - those are my thoughts this morning. And guess what? My exercise today will include planting some beans - because part of that worry that there's never going to be enough is the absolute need to prepare, plant, put away.... just like we did when I was a kid. I'll post pics of that soon. Have a great weekend!

The Cravings Werewolf

I freely admit that I have zero willpower. I know I'm supposed to make better decisions about what I eat but I wouldn't weigh 403 lbs if that were easy for me to do. I'm like an alcoholic except it's cookies or candy that get me. I can always justify it to myself as if it were no big deal. If there are cookies in the breakroom, I will grab one. Usually two. I'll go back for another three. Oh there's only 5 left? May as well polish those off. They're all gone? Awesome :) I can't eat any more! Seriously - you wouldn't believe how hard I work to convince myself that it's all ok.

Until I weigh myself.

And then I'm cruel, mean, I call myself every form of stupid. I feel terrible. I'm a failure. I'm not even able to say no to a lifeless cookie. How will I ever be able to protect my kids if the zombies come?

My mental contortions in either direction would astound most people. Most people who just see a cookie and it means nothing to them. I've actually seen people who say no with a laugh to a cookie. As though such a thing were possible. As though they didn't immediately have a dark raging werewolf growl in the back of their throat, somewhere near their most ancient brain, that we *need* that cookie. That it's there, it's ours, and we need to eat it now because at some time in the not too distant future, WINTER IS COMING.

What I need you to understand is that I'm NOT at all hungry. I can actually be full to the point of pain and still WANT THE COOKIE.

I don't even know where I get this stuff. But there is a part of me that somehow still thinks I'm going to end up having to live off this bodyfat for a few months in a cave. It's the only explanation I can think of for why my brain is working against me ever being healthy.

People will tell you it's not my body. Its my choice. And I'm here to tell you that no - it was my choice to wear this shirt today. It was my choice to drink my Plexus and eat an apple for breakfast. Choices I made and felt good about. But it was NOT my choice to need the cookies in the breakroom - 5 of them - my choice was nope, I don't need that. Some other very weak part of my conscious said 'take one, one won't hurt! You'll do better tomorrow.... when they're not there anymore....'

But something else will be. And my werewolf - the voracious always starving for sugar, crazy intelligent part of my brain that can talk me into anything - will convince me again that just one won't hurt.

Until I weigh myself.

Don't tell me 'just don't eat it' or 'just say no' or 'you know better' - of course I do. Just like an alcoholic or a cigarette smoker or a drug addict knows better. We know. It's not as though we're stupid. It's just that the little voice, the voice that convinces us, it's apparently smarter.

Cravings!!!

I'm trying to keep the cravings away on my first day - sometimes I feel like a sugar werewolf.... water, gum, what else????

Morning weigh in

403.2 this morning - long way to go!!

I'm creating this page as a way to communicate with my friends and family about my efforts to lose weight. As of today, I weigh 403 lbs. I ordered Plexus on 3/15 and received it in the mail today - I'm excited to try it! I've tried so many things! I don't know if this is what will work for me, but my doctor told me to write about my efforts and I've been using my 'diet friends' list to do that but this seemed like it might be an easier way to keep it all together.

For full disclosure, I also signed up to sell Plexus because I wanted to get the sales discount on the product if I was going to try it for a few months. I signed up on the night of 15th - 4 days ago - and already have sales volume of $778. In 4 days. All it took was posting my link in a few places (my link is http://www.plexusslim.com/db2014 in case you're curious.) So I'm really happy about that too - it means that not only will I save because of the ambassador discount, but I've earned enough to essentially make my product free. Who can say no to free? 

I also try to eat 'Paleo' - but I freely admit that I mess up a lot. Paleo means different things to different people but to me it means NO PROCESSED FOOD!! No cereals, no hamburger helper, no cookies, (you know - all the yummy stuff). BUT I can eat all the roasted veggies and meats etc that I like. So, scrambled eggs with spinach? Good for you. Carrot cake? Not so much (though I looooooovvvvveeeeee it).

I also walk - when the weather is nice - I'm not about to lie and say I'm crazy motivated. But I did buy my 8 year old a new bike and he goes with me and with his peddling, I have to walk FAST to keep up. I think he's going to kill me lol. But its more fun than the treadmill!

Goals - ok, in June I'm going to Disney World! And we all know Disney World is just plain tough to walk - even if you're skinny. And I love Disney World! So I'm trying to build up so that I can really enjoy the trip!

And last but not least - I named this page Happy Dances because that's what I do when I'm happy  I have a crazy happy dance and when I am happy on Facebook I'll post *happy dances* - just imagine Snoopy when he's happy - that's me!  So, there you have it, all the crazy reasons I started this page. It's an open group so if you too are working to lose weight, please feel free to post about what you're going through! I really do appreciate the support but also want to support others who ware trying to lose weight as well! Its a difficult long and tiring process! Please feel free to invite any of your friends who are also working on this. Maybe we can all help each other